18 May Five tips for memoir writing

Memoirs have become increasingly popular over recent years, and there’s no sign that’s going to change anytime soon. Our appetite for others’ stories – for the opportunity to escape into them or learn from them – seems unquenchable.

What’s the focus?

Often people use ‘memoir’ and ‘autobiography’ interchangeably. But a memoir is not the same thing as an autobiography. An autobiography tends to describe, chronologically, the significant events of a person’s life, whilst a memoir generally focuses on a particular aspect of a person’s life. It might focus on just a few months, or a few years when something specific was happening. Or it might explore an important experience, or struggle. Whatever the details, a good memoir has a focus to it. There will be a theme that runs throughout, tying together separate incidents and moments. So if you’re thinking of writing your memoir, one of the first things to ask yourself is what your focus will be. What is the theme of my memoir?

Grappling with the Truth

Honesty is what makes a memoir so powerful – other people appreciate authenticity because it helps them make sense of their own lives and experiences. But being willing to share experiences, feelings and thoughts openly and honestly is not as easy as you might imagine. It’s a really knotty issue, fraught with complications. We only need reflect on our social media usage to get a sense of the potential difficulties. How honest are we, when presenting ourselves to ‘the world’? What do we choose to show? And what do we choose to hide? What do we think we know about ourselves, and what do we think might be out of our awareness? It’s worth reflecting on this before you begin, or at some point during the process. I believe it’s best to look at it head on, and consciously acknowledge whether there are aspects of your story that you are worried about sharing, or whether there are parts of the narrative which you feel defensive about, or which in some way ‘trigger’ you. If there are, then you will need to tread carefully – be honest with yourself about how you will handle these parts of your story. A related issue is that when you’re writing about yourself in a memoir, you are inevitably writing about your friends and family too – which can be difficult, and involves a degree of vulnerability. Again, you will have to face this dilemma and make a decision about how to handle it. You might decide to leave out particular information. You might decide to have an honest conversation with particular family members. Or you might decide to write anonymously. Whatever you decide, it’s always important to remember that your ‘truth’ is just a version of the truth; other people might remember things differently to you, and it’s helpful to cultivate some generosity within yourself about how you’re going to handle that. Never write a memoir for revenge – it isn’t the place for it.

It’s not all about you

Of course, your memoir is all about you. But the best memoirs glance off in other directions every so often. They delve into something that feels relevant to that particular memoir – nature, philosophy, politics, the state of education, the nature of family relationships. They consider other perspectives, and take a moment here and there to reflect. How will you do this in your memoir?

What has Fiction got to do with it?

Although a memoir is definitely not fiction, it uses some of the same techniques to create a powerful story. You are a character in your memoir, and so are the other people who feature. Read up on how to create great characters for novels and short stories, and give the people in your memoir the same kind of attention and respect.

Importantly, learn how to show scenes, and feelings. Don’t just tell us something, or give us the basics – take your time to pick out the important, poignant details that will evoke an emotional response in your reader. You are sharing your experiences when you write a memoir, and to do this successfully you must take the reader fully into those experiences: describe important moments using all of your senses, share what you remember thinking (internal dialogue), tell the reader what mattered to you at the time, and perhaps what has occurred to you since. Learn how writers build tension and suspense.

Take us on a Journey

Again, similar to fiction, a good memoir will take the reader on a journey. You will begin in a certain place, and end up in a different place – perhaps you have learned something, or achieved something. It will be personal to you. Look at the subject matter of your memoir. Explore the scenes or moments that you want to write about. Take some time to think about whether there is an obvious order to events – do things work in a linear, chronological way? Or does it work better to start in the middle – offering the reader a snapshot that somehow sets the scene or establishes your theme? However you decide to assemble your memoir, remember that to keep your reader interested you need to grasp them by the hand and take them on an interesting or emotional journey. Otherwise, why should they go with you? The chances are you’ve had an interesting life (which is why you’re thinking of writing a memoir). Make sure that it comes across on the page. How can you make your memoir interesting and relevant to other people, as well as yourself?

If you would like help writing a memoir, then get in touch. I support writers at all stages of their writing journey with affordable, flexible coaching.